Today I'm chatting about people stealing your joy, and how to react to it.
I know, diving RIGHT in with a super uplifting topic for a Sunday, right?
It sounds silly to say out loud..."she stole my joy". It sounds emo and whiny but when it happens, it sucks. It can take the wind out of your sails- and if you don't find a way to deal with it, you can waste a lot of time fixating on it.
If you're reading this blog post and are feeling like I'm a complete whack-job, let me give and example, mmmkay?
So you are working on planning BIG event, and you're feeling all:
So you are working on planning BIG event, and you're feeling all:
So you tell someone important to you, expecting they're going to be like:
via GIPHY
....but instead they're like:
via GIPHY
They tell you they aren't going, and they won't even make an effort to be there..which leaves you all like:
via GIPHY
You feel me now?
Joy. Stolen.
Joy. Stolen.
It can be so hard when you are genuinely happy about something and someone walks right on up to you and smacks it out of your hands.
The thing about stealing joy is that in order for it to happen, you have to allow it to happen.
If you are thrilled about your pursuit to go to law school, and you let someone steal your joy by telling you that they think lawyers are arrogant con artists- that's your choice. You can cry in the corner- or you can give them the middle finger as they walk away (clearly the latter sounds more fun).
I'm not at expert at blocking joy-stealers out, but here is what I CAN suggest doing:
1. Manage expectations when you tell news to someone who has let you down in the past. It's not rocket science, but if they've rained on your parade in the past, it's likely they'll do it again. This is a fine line between assuming the worst in people and just being realistic- so walk it carefully, my friends. There's someone in my life who consistently ignores my good news if it doesn't involve them- so I try to avoid telling them until I've shared it with other, more supportive people.
2. Lean on those who you know will be supportive and uplifting. Also, not rocket science.We all have that one friend or family member that is just a basket of love and joy. You can tell them you got a new haircut and they tell you that you look fabulous. You can tell them you got a promotion and they'll have a card to you in the mail overnight. THOSE are the people you should tell your news to first. (Shoutout to my girl Adrienne- she's one of those people in my life that without fail brings a positive attitude wherever she goes!)
3. Keep news to yourself for longer. Sometimes when you get good news you just want to shout it from the rooftops instantly. I cannot even count how many times I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut a little longer and get the happy news to myself to just purely enjoy before I let it out. I've found that the (few) times I've managed to hold of on telling people exciting things, and allowed myself more time to relish in it- when I finally do share it, their responses don't affect me as much. The joy has gotten deep enough into my skin they can't take it! (Cheesy, but so true!)
Now, there's one more tip I have to give out, and this is something that I need to work on:
When you have great news- don't downplay it just to appease other people.
A few months ago I was with a group of friends and shared some news that on the inside I was SO giddy about. I played it off like it was no big deal and that I was soooo chill about it, which was purely a defense mechanism. I figured if I didn't act like I was overjoyed then I wouldn't be disappointed if THEY didn't act overjoyed. You know what happened? They called me out on it and couldn't believe why I wasn't more excited- and I felt like a complete idiot admitting I had downplayed it because I thought they wouldn't react how I had hoped.
Moral of the story:
Share your joy- but don't allow others to steal it.
You can't control their reactions, but you can control how you let their reactions affect you!
How do you handle it when people try to steal your joy?
I'm trying to work on something more mature than the middle-finger-when-they-walk-away trick :)
xo, LP
*update: please note, i've totally been guilty of stealing joy before. you probably are too. good people can sometimes be so caught up in their own worlds that they accidentally hurt someone. there's a fine line between being a devil's advocate about stuff and being a party pooper- i'll promise to be more sensitive to it if you all will, mmkay?"
(let's be instagram friends and share joy together, shall we? find me HERE!)
